Just tell them you wrote a dumb series of ads

Currently cracking me up in a scary way are the ridiculous anti-drug ads that attempt to convince just how dangerous drugs are by showing you scenes of a world in which toddlers drown and sports teams are let down simply and only because of those horrible, horrible drugs.

In a way, they're really great ads if you look at them as part of an anti-irresponsibility campaign, making sure that people show up to their swim meets on time and always keep an eye on the baby. But linking these things with drugs? Yes, firing up the bong when you've been put in charge of making sure that little precious doesn't try to get on that raft in the pool AGAIN is irresponsible, but so is doing anything (phone calls, video games, fumbling first sexual experience) that gives the toddler enough time to get out the door and into the pool. Yes, skipping a swim meet and letting down your teammates to get stoned is horrible, but why would it be any better if she skipped the swim meet for a shopping spree or a slightly-better second sexual experience (trying to forget that baby's tragic drowning death)? Really, the key point here is: don't shirk your responsiblities. Drugs are incidental.

And then there's the one where the basketball player (the star, we're assuming) gets kicked off the team because the coach finds drugs in his locker. Now, who's really at fault here: the guy who gets stoned with his buddies on the weekend (and, okay, was dumb enough to bring his stash to school) or the coach who kicks him off the team? Coach! Let it go! He's the star! Ever heard the expression, "Turn a blind eye"?! I wish that commercial would end with, "Just tell the fans that the team lost the championship because you kicked off the star player for enjoying a high and some munchies every now and then."

Of course, I think about my tee-totaling teens and I probably would have thought that each of these commercials had a really good point. Even the highest stoner in the world would be able to see through this specious reasoning, proving that drugs and dumb exist independently of each other.