Blowout, denial
Happy Cinco De Mayo, everyone! So, how will you be celebrating the 1862 defeat of the French forces invading Mexico? That's not a question that's asked very often, because it's answered so easily: there are only two answers for the vast majority of Americans : 1) "Not" and 2) "Drinking".
When it comes right down to it (why does it always have to come right down to it? Can't it come down somewhere near it?), there are only a few reasons to celebrate any holiday, which I've listed here for your convenience:
- Tradition: These are the holidays that begin with a few decent people looking to honor a person or event, but really catch on when people just get used to doing something fun or familial on that day. For most of these holidays, almost no one actually thinks about the reason behind why they celebrate it; they just do. And the reason they do is often related to number 2.
- Guilt: Not patrotic enough?! Don't you want to honor our soldiers?! You haven't been to church all year and you're not going to go on EASTER?! You're going to stay home on NEW YEARS EVE?!
- Drinking: Mostly St. Patrick's Day and Cinco De Mayo (unfortunately, New Year's Eve* has been dragged into this category)...is there really any reason in the entire world to celebrate these days other than it's an excuse to go out to drink? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being cynical. I'm sure that all those 1/16th Irish people spend the time on St. Patrick's Day leading up to the ceremonial Puking Of The Guinness feeling deep thanks for the snakes being driven out of Ireland.
- A subcategory of the drinking holidays is Thanksgiving: The Eating Holiday. Again, the original reason for this holiday, while remembered by everyone, isn't really celebrated by anyone.
- Religion: I'm not really sure that this should have its own category, because it's really just a combination of guilt and tradition. But still, there's enough religious holidays around that it can't be overlooked.
* It's a shame that New Year's Eve has become a drinking holiday, because it turns New Year's day into a hangover recovery day, and New Year's Day is really our one shot at creating a holiday that doesn't honor a person, war, or any event that is divisive and political.
8 comments:
Candy! This would be my #1 category. Both Easter and Halloween are my favorites b/c of the candy gorge factor.
this word practice episode almost made me spit out my raspberry lemonade. reminder - no laughing and drinking! keep it up reid!
-peekay
Good point, PK, especially on Easter. Although I do think that drinking has become a big reason to "celebrate" holidays, maybe that category should just be gluttony, so that it includes drink, food, presents, candy, and, in the case of Halloween, taking the opportunity to dress as skanky as possible or ogling, both of which are a kind of gluttony.
oh dear god.
I sincerely always thought that line was "Blowout, Ohio"
I guess I can lump that in with
"Let me take a camel in my salad tonight"
and
"Why has my sympathy turned to melons"
The real lines for those are
"...a candle to the cellar..." (the Sundays, "I Won"
and
"...malice" (luna, "California")
I think I might have cried laughing reading that Vader blog.
I love New Years Day - it could be my favorite holiday - well, next to Reid's birthday of course.
I gotta say, the Dave Lee versions of each of those lines are infinitely better than the respective correct ones. On a related note to that (but totally unrelated to Reid's actual posting...I guess we can call this a meta discussion), I went a full year of appreciating and loving the movie and accompanying soundtrack of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" thinking it was called "Hedwig and the Angry *Itch*". You mean all that mess *and* it itches! Yikes!
I remember coming out of the room in one of the suites we lived in singing really loudly the words "Underlying Camera" to the chorus of "Divine Hammer" - which is really dumb since the name of the damn song is "Divine Hammer" - but you all made sure I understood that ;)
dang, Doug.
It only took me like 47 years to get your comment about your favorite holiday being reid's birthday.
I'm extra slow because I was even just in Reid's apartment, and I looked right at the bottle of burbon given to him the day he turned 30 and you had some sort of function that happened to be on the same day, and we were all there in our fancy dress.
I remember that fancy-dress function, Dave. I mean, how could I forget Doug's circumcision. What a weekend.
Have y'all ever gotten drunk before? Kinda fun, except for the tomorrow part. You know how I said my ears were ringing? They're still ringing, except now my whole head is ringing.
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