Decisions, decisions
A week at the beach means a week of making absolutely no big decisions, but preparing to leave for the beach involves a number of huge, life-altering decisions. You've got to make sure you've got some quality beach reading (light, fluffy, fun, makes the hours fly by), you have to prepare for gluttony by cutting back on the calories (I'm bad at this), and you have to decide whether or not to take those things that tether you to your life back home (laptop, guitar, razor).
The first decision was easy: I had been saving the new Harry Potter book for this beach trip. I went by Olsson's after work and plunked it down on the counter, as embarrassed as if I'd been buying porn. I know that just about every non-evangelical adult in the free world has bought and read the Harry Potter books, and that there's nothing to be ashamed of, but I still can't get that self-conscious voice out of my head that says, "It's a kids book", and I keep replaying that scene from Entourage where Vince's airhead girlfriend tries to coax E to let her read and approve scripts by saying, "I've read all the Harry Potter books."
But I remembered the theory that I desperately try to cling to, that there's no such thing as a guilty pleasure, and I was emboldened by the fact that I had failed this theory so completely earlier that afternoon when my iPod sent "Hollaback Girl" through the speakers in my office and I tracked forward in case anyone happened to walk in. So I told the cashier that I would not be needing a bag, tucked the book under my arm (okay, okay: cover buried in my chest) and headed home. Of course, of all the days to run into one of my coworkers in the ten minute walk from work to home, this was the one. Luckily, it was one of the coworkers that I don't like very much.
I've barely cut back on the calories, but the last decision was easy: I would take my laptop, because I'm a geek like that, and I would take my guitar so that I could practice the Sprites songs that I'll need to know by the end of the month. I reluctantly decided to take my razor, just because I know that, as nice as it'd be to not shave for a week, I would end up with an unfortunate tan by the time I got home.
There is only one more decision for me to make, and it's a big one.
I almost never eat fast food.¹ The only time I allow myself a greasy fast food meal is when I go on road trips, and not only do I have this roadtrip coming up, but unlike every other time I've made the drive to the beach from DC, my sister will not be with me, so the decision as to which fast food restaurant to eat at is all mine and is, like the food itself, weighing heavy. It's only about once a year that I eat at these places, so I have to pick a place that I'll enjoy, but will ultimately be unpleasant enough so that I won't eat fast food again until I've forgotten the pain.
So here, without further adieu, is a list of the candidates for Ruinous, Regretful Meal of 2005, and the odds that I'll eat at that so-called "restaurant":
- McDonalds (4:1). Super Size Me aside, McDonalds is still the Big Mac Daddy of the fast food world, and is still the default choice for bad fast food. Having not eaten there in years, it almost rekindles the youthful enthusiasm we all had for McD's when we were eight. "Ooh! McDonalds! I haven't eaten there in years!" I think, and then will have a Quarter Pounder and remind myself why it's been so long as images of Morgan Spurlock puking dramatically out his driver's side window run through my head. It's a likely choice.
- Bojangles (5:1). This is a close second, mostly because it's a local choice that I can't get up here. You can't buy better sweet tea anywhere. It would be a shoo-in, except for the fact that I enjoy eating at Bojangles, so it loses it's cautionary value.
- Taco Bell (7:1). My little sister and I ate there in one of our recent trips down to NC, and we both swore off it forever. She felt downright ill. But damn their commercials! They make that plastic cheese look so tasty! Plus, the sis won't be along, so I could do it...if I dared.
- Wendy's (35:1). Unlikely. I still always regret eating at Wendy's, but not in a clutching-my-stomach-and-groaning way, but more like in a "That wasn't really that good. Should've gone to Bojangles" way. But who knows what my stomach will want on Sunday.
- BBQ Place in Kinston, NC with the cute, happy pig on the sign (no odds given). This is a wildcard. The chance to eat at a local NC BBQ place is almost impossible to turn down, and I never get to do it on these trips to the beach because the sister doesn't like BBQ. This will depend largely on where I am when I get hungry, but if I hit Kinston before too late...all bets are off.
- Burger King (40,000:1). I just said I wanted a bad fast food meal; I didn't say I wanted to commit suicide.²
¹ I mean, tradtional fast-food. I guess Chipotle and Potbelly and the sandwich shops that I go to everyday are technically fast-food, but...you know what I mean.
² This is a cheap joke, and I apologize.
11 comments:
Well, I'm going to scold you now: you CAN'T put Eastern NC BBQ in the same class as McDonalds or Taco Hell! Bojangles, maybe, but not those other two - the reason is because if you lived over here in tomato sauce land - way, way, way far away from the land of clear vinegar sauce that is E. NC BBQ, you would understand that the opportunity to have E. NC BBQ is a priviledge that should not be taken lightly. In fact, I would say that you should go out of your way to eat that BBQ, because you never know when you will be stuck in the land of the tomato sauce. See, you can get tomato sauce on BBQ just about anywhere (and sometimes it can be incredibly good - see Memphis), but if you ask for clear vinegar sauce to go on your BBQ in any other place than NC, you will be scorned and laughed at (as I have been). So, I say go for the BBQ, and save McDonalds for when you have kids and have to go there because they won't shut up until you do (damn you Ronald McDonald). And I hate Taco Bell - mainly for the company they are owned by, but then they make it so tempting to go to because of those commercials...oh those commercials...
BTW, have a great trip!
Best blog ever, man.
Btw, I suppose it's mostly a good thing that there's now a certain degree of shame in admitting that you occasionally eat McDonalds. Every now and then -- or to put it in Randy Moss-ian terms "once every blue moon"-- I'm presented with a situation where fast food is really my best option (and it's not just on road trips). The great majority of these times I'll end up choosing McDonalds, simply cos I like McNuggets and their fries are indisputably the best. I've seen Super Size Me and though I haven't read it, I know the gist of "Fast Food Nation". Still, I'll eat at Mickey D's on average maybe a half dozen times a year. I will also occasionally buy clothes at the Gap. I try to be a good person despite these periodic lapses of judgement.
Don't get me wrong, Doug: though the BBQ place may be in the same list as McDs, et al, it's certainly not in the same class. The problem is that I'll likely not be getting to BBQ country until about 3:00 at the earliest, so I'll really have to hold out if I want that. Plus, I'll be going on a Sunday, so it's likely that the BBQ place will either be a) packed to the gills with church folk or b) closed. So: it's a wildcard.
Xtian, I see why you put the Gap in the same category, but it doesn't make you sick. It does, however, have cheap t-shirts. So it's worth it every now and then.
I just can't bring myself to go to the fast food places unless I really have to. So on a road trip, I sort of see it as a time when I pretty much have to. It's either the fast food places or some of the local restaurants off the freeway, which, as tempting a choice as they might be, are a real gamble in terms of quality and the amount of time it takes. Flo and Alice may have lots of personality, but I can't really afford two-hours of roadtrip time to eat undercooked chicken.
Oh, I hear ya - I just like the opportunity to talk about BBQ. I've always wanted to be one of those people who could just eat at the local roadside places to eat, but I just can't do it - with the exception of BBQ joints and Mexican places - those aren't usually a big gamble. My boss will only go to local places when we are on a trip or in the "field" or whatever, and it is a pretty big gamble - usually not because of the food as much as you come out smelling like an ashtray or a grease pit or both..and I hate that. Anyway, Cory and I went to frickin' Crapper Barrel a few months ago on a roadtrip (which used to be pretty decent - it used to be a big field trip standby), and it was the worst...food...ever. Simply awful. Not to mention everything else about the place. So, don't go there. Not that I have to tell you that.
I shop at the Gap sometimes too.
Seriously, what a great post. The only time I ever regret being a non-beef eater is when I am on a road trip and am forced to choose between Wendy's, McDs, Burger King, etc. Because by and large, the chicken options at these places are disgusting. If in a pinch, I will eat McNuggets, but not happily. So, unless there is a Chick-Fil-A in sight, I end up eating ridiculous combinations of carbs...like a biggie fry AND a baked potato from Wendy's. I mean, why don't I just tie some potatoes to my hips? I went on a road trip with a vegan not too long ago, and holy crap, it is hard to find a Subway when you are looking for one.
Are there Biscuitvilles as far east as you'll be? Cause mother of god, that is some stuff from heaven.
You know what I miss? Cafeterias. Road tripping through the southeast as a kid, cafeterias were the best.
My roadtrips in college and for several years afterwards almost always involved at least one vegetarian, and it was those days that completely put me off Subway forever.
You know, I've still never been to a Biscuitville. I know that's always a must visit when back in Greensboro, but I almost always get distracted by the Cook Out before I can ever get to a B'ville.
It's part shame, part wonderful that Cafeterias don't hold such a vaunted, social place in Southern society anymore. My mom said that, growing up in Winston-Salem, that the cafeteria was about the only "restaurant" in town. It was either go there, the country club or a sketchy diner. So the K&W was their second kitchen. I never liked the food (though seeing the jello section was always a pretty wonderous sight as a kid), but it was pretty amazing to go there on Sundays and my Southern gentleman grandfather would know half of the people there.
I am so glad that you are taking your guitar. If you hadn't, I would have been wildly disappointed.
I've only listened to audio books in the car with my dad. We listened to mysteries and detective stories. I won't listen to them without him. So if I want to get an audio book, I'll have to drag old Dad somewhere so that we can listen and laugh at the funny voices together.
I think Mrs. Howard has an excellent point. Biscuitville is absolutely the cat's pajamas. One of the things that I missed so much last year when there was no hockey (and I wasn't doing a morning commute to or from the triangle area), was the routine visits to tha 'Ville (I don't really call it that, by the way). Now that hockey's back and the season is almost upon us, I need to find another girlfriend in the triangle so I can spend the night there and stop at Buscuitville on my way home in the morning.
Of course I could just as easily go to a Buscuitville here in town, but it isn't quite the same unless you are eating and driving.
The misfortunate thing about them, though, is that they close at 1:00 pm.
Well, if you don't want to drive all the way to Raleigh, yet still want to eat it in the car, go to the one on Reynolda Rd. in Winston-Salem - which my driver's ed teacher was so kind to have me drive-thru every morning during my class. He wouldn't let me get anything, but it is good stuff. Oh, how I miss you Biscuitville on Reynolda Rd.
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