It's part of the act
There's a feature of the balcony at the 930 club: it makes people stupid, which makes the non-stupid people angry. This is a bad feature to have on any balcony.
The manifestation of the stupid is that people seem to think that they can claim the prime viewing spot at the railing by sitting on the riser¹ just behind the railing and looking at the spot they want. Just looking at it. Why it doesn't cross their mind that, maybe if they want the spot at the railing, they should actually take the spot at the railing is beyond me. But they don't.
I'm not having it. At a Wilco show a few years ago, I got in an argument with a couple of guys who were doing this. I took a railing spot (alone, thanks to my "friends" not getting my back on this one), and these two tools behind me say, "That's our spot." Expecting this, I say, "Well, then you can have this spot, and I'll take that spot on the riser that you're sitting on." One of them answers, "No, we were going to sit here until the band starts and then take that spot." I argue with them a little more, but when I realize that I'm so furious that I'm about to throw myselves at them (and, again, I'm by myself on this one), I leave and end up with a sub-par spot on the third riser.
But last night, I wasn't going to go down so easily. The riser spots were all taken by sitters, and there were plenty of open railing spots. We went over to grab the railing spots, and the smarter people, realizing that they should grab their spots or lose them, stood up and held on tight. Fair enough. But the people that we stood in front of were clearly irritated that we had taken the spots that they were looking right at! But I stayed. I'll be considerate of those who I believe deserve consideration. But I reach a breaking point and I won't brook those people that believe the world should look out for them, make sure they're comfortable, read their minds and get out of the way. I won't. I won't do it.
I won't say that I didn't care that they were irritated. I was furious and I could feel my face flushed and hot. This is a problem. When someone takes on a more pushy personality, it's probably a good idea to be more comfortable and calm with being pushy. I still have some work to do on my inner asshole.
But while this irritation reminded me why my friends and I don't go to as many shows anymore, I was also reminded why we put up with these unrequested insights into the stupid acts of the general public: because we get to see performances that are as tremendous as the one Sufjan Stevens and his band the Illinoisemakers put on last night. There was the beautifully playful and patriotic "50 States Song" (in the jukebox), a gorgeous version (the melody wasn't even close) of The Star-Spangled Banner, a reworking of "Chicago", and a version of "The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades..." that blew away the already-gorgeous album version. It was quiet, but amazing, and Sufjan Stevens secured himself a spot in my Top 5 Male Celebrity Crushes.
¹ A revelation on the risers from the documentary about the 930: "They're not safe."
12 comments:
I swear this is part of the reason I only stand in the downstairs at the 930 these days. I just can't do the railing/riser battles anymore. Last time was 1997 -- Rev. Horton Heat. Stood at that railing like I was going to fling myself off.
Leaving aside comments on "working on your inner asshole." (You're welcome.)
No, no! Don't leave those comments aside...that's why I left that horrible phrase in there. I'm sure Hans and Paul have something good, something along the lines of, "You're outer asshole is just fine".
No smartass comment here; I'm way too impressed. Working on your inner asshole takes a lot of wherewithal. You really gotta get in there and scrub.
Oh, I just figured you'd work muppet fucking in there somewhere. You always find a way, but with ol' Suf and co. as Muppet Show-esque as they are...well, I'm just surprised.
The quantity of what I have to say here is frightening...and no apologies for length.
My buddy's fake band that never came about at Turtle U. was "Drunken Muppetz." Too bad Tenacious D basically stole their songbook. Oh, and that my buddy is now doing real estate finance.
But if you really want to hear good music, track down the members of Connecticut White Bread (somewhere around Danbury/Southbury, CT). Their finest song (which you just reminded me of) was "Cornholeucopia."
Chorus
There's fruit in my ass
Its a cornholeucopia
I shove it in fast
There's fruit in my ass
One of the verses
Oh! Citrus stings my inner ass skin
A Stanley-powered crack
Imagine that
I never went for the upstairs. I never went upstairs when it was WUST. So I never went upstairs when the 9:30 moved in. The sad thing is that I still refer to it as "the new 9:30" and yet there's a documentary out there? Zoiks.
Claven, welcome to the club. You're as disgusting as the rest of these chumps. It's a whole different world than the smart girls, huh?
By the way, for those of you who are curious about why the hell the subject of "muppet fucking" keeps popping up, check out the comments here to see the genesis, and then you can, unfortunately, read even more here, and the subject pops up again here and here, and tragically, here. It's what the Fastidiot considers to be polite conversation.
I swear, I really do try to keep this site clean.
As for the muppetfuckers behind us, reid, I learned from the only-slightly-less-ear-endangering-than-ChadVanGaelen opening chap to turn the other cheek. That is, I gave them a long look at the right one, and then, with only the slightest dip of the left knee, and twist at the waist, gave them a slightly better view of the left one. And if it wasn't for the high quality denim, they would have had a good look at my inner asshole.
OK, that was fun to say, but I'm done hating on them. The way I see it, we got the good spots at the show.
Tad, I had to read that about four times to fully understand it, but once I did...I teared up a little, man. That was beautiful.
Tad's a genius.
Did you read the review of this show in the Post?
What a strange review. Of course, it was a pretty odd show, and Sufjan Stevens is one of those artists that you sort of feel needs a little explaining.
I did love that he applauded after every song.
Oh. The 9:30. So many memories. Not all good--and funnily enough, all of the not so good memories come from the balcony.
It has been so long, that I don't even really remember what the old 9:30 looked like.
But I do remember what the old black cat looked like.
I was at the same show but have never watched a sold-out show from the balcony so I didn't know about this social convention. I am more of a floor guy because, I argue, the sound is better. This time, right after the opening "band" was over, I found a great sweet spot, right in the center about 10 feet in front of the sound board, free of smokers and tall people in front of me. Another good sign was that the people immediately in front of me were couples in their 20's and 30's so I would also be spared swinging arms and bad dancing and loud talking. I stood there for about a half an hour. I'm no spring chicken and my legs complained much the next day. About 1 minute before Sufjan starts, three people worm their way in front of the people who were in front of me. Of course one of them was tall so I was going to spend the set peeking from one side to the other of his gargantuan head. They also started talking loud even as the set started. Luckily for them, the guy in front of me (the couple who had been pushed aside by these rude people) asked the guy to be quiet and he did. Despite all this it was a great show and I was happily surprised that the audience kept a respectful silence (unlike his show at the Black Cat last year).
Anyway, I hear that bands like Coco Rosie and others have decided to do non-club tours playing in unconventional places like churches and VFW halls. I can't say I blame them. I hate to sound like an old fart but bands like Sufjan (folk) are really better suited for the Birchmere. He doesn't exactly rock or make you want to dance (especially those songs in 11/8).
Another point, when 930 was at irs original location (now under a massive rehab) you hardly ever had problems with crowd placement because just about every place on the floor was just as lousy as any other place. And up front you were likely to get elbowed by a mosher.
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