You get what you pay for.

Today's post has been called on account of disgruntledness. No refunds will be given. Instead, today's post is postponed until Friday, December 16th. The post of December 16th will then be rescheduled for Tuesday, December 20th, and the post of that day will be cancelled, which is probably for the best, since that post was going to be so raunchy and offensive that no one would be able to look at this site anymore without feeling angry disgust and/or disgusted anger. So really, we're all coming out ahead.

Also, please mark in your official areseven.com "Dogs Vs. Koi In The 21st Century" wall calendar that the following posts have also been cancelled:

August 14, 2006
...where I give my thoughts on the topic that's on all of our minds: the terrorist attack on a water park in Tempe, where Al Queda created a tsunami in the wave pool, bruising three. Reason for cancellation: too choked up to get the words right.

November 6, 2009
...the second post from jail. Reason for cancellation: Light from computer bothering cell mate; life feared for.

April 2, 2012
...the seventh post from my mountain hideout. Reason for cancellation: Police kick down door just before I can hit the Publish Post button. By the time I've escaped yet again and get another chance to publish, the post just seems irrelevant.

July 7, 2014
...where I announce the cast for "Areseven.com: The Motion Picture". Reason for cancellation: Post deleted out of respect to Jude Law, the original casting choice for Reid, who was killed with a pitchfork by a raging-with-envy Matt Damon.

October 19, 2032
...where I type out my dying thoughts to the few readers I have left after being mortally wounded in the great Robot Vacuum Cleaner Uprising. The post is intended to reveal the location of the robot's off switch, but I die before I can get it out, since I insist on first writing out a couple of paragraphs on how disappointing the new Belle and Sebastian box set is. Reason for cancellation: incomplete post.