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Monday, May 22, 2006

A simple plan

I have taken the city of Washington, DC hostage because I am in a bad mood. If the following demands of mine are not satisfied by 11 pm tonight, I'll unleash a wave of crankiness that will bring the U.S. capital to its knees.

My demands:

  1. The Astros win the game tonight
  2. I get a chorizo at the game
  3. No fat Nats fan sits behind me and screams "Strike out the fucking hick!" every time Lance Berkman comes up to bat.
These are simple demands and it should not be hard for the authorities at DC and Federal governments, the Washington Nationals and the Aramark corporation to arrange.

The clock is ticking, Washington. The clock is ticking.

3 comments:

Reid said...

Didn't get the chorizo (where the hell is that vendor?!), but two out of three ain't bad. You're off the hook, Washington. I'm in a better mood today. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Anonymous said...

Hmm...I see a pattern here. Every time you get a chorizo, the Astros lose. When you don't, they win. You've got some tough choices to make.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Reid said...

Wrong! Last year, I went to two games. In the first game, I got a chorizo and they won. The next game, the chorizo stand was closed so I got an Italian sausage, and the Astros lost. There is no correlation.

However, every time I sit along the third base line, they win. Every time I sit along the first base line, they lose.

I'm surprised that this information isn't on on baseballreference.com or ESPN, so I guess I can forgive your shallow knowledge of important baseball statistics.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

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