A modest proposal

In all the soccer talk that's been going around lately, there's been more than a few mentions about sports names, namely: why is American Football called "football" when kicking is only a small part of the game? Why does the rest of the world continue to call it "football" when the word "soccer" is clearly a much cooler word? Okay, I'm the only person asking that last one, but it really is a much cooler word.

Point being is that there's not a whole lot of argument that "football" is a dumb thing to call American football. You could rightly argue that, if you knew the first thing about American Football, you'd know that the kicking game is a HUGE part of it (just ask a Bills or Patriots fan), but that's nit-picking. The foot's relationship with the ball in our version of football isn't substantial enough to warrant naming the whole sport after it.

So let me put forward this proposal: how about we don't call it "football" or even "American football", but just "American". How great would that be?! Say some of these phrases out loud and get all excited about how great they sound:

• "Are you going to the American game tomorrow?"
• "He plays quarterback on the varsity American team."
• "God, I love the game of American!"
• "Mark my words: within two years, the Texans will be the most dominant American team in the American American Conference at least, and within five, they'll be the most dominant American team in American history."

Okay, so it might get a little confusing, but don't you just feel a surge of patriotic pride?! I know I do.