Court date

At the risk of doing anything which even remotely makes this site one of those painful "dating blogs", there's been a few points in my life lately that have made me think about dating: the word, the actions, everything.

Appearing in reverse order:

Watched about 45 minutes of "Must Love Dogs"
Don't judge. It was Saturday morning when I was sleepy and useless and pretty much whatever's on the TV when I hit the couch stays on until I have to get up. Okay...there was a certain level of morbid fascination with a movie that was so horrible. Diane Lane looked great and all, and John Cusack had some charming lines, but he also came off as kind of an over-sensitive, needy guy. It's terrible. Don't watch it.

But in all this movie's hand-wringing over HOW HARD dating is, I got to thinking about a common complaint leveled by Europeans at American culture: that they don't understand the concept of "dating". In Europe, I'm told, people just hang out and then eventually end up together. It's easy to think (as I have in the past): "Um, that's dating, but without the word." But it isn't. The formality of dating is ridiculous. We count up dates--first dates, blind dates, second dates--and keep them as scorecards. Married people will breathe a sigh of relief that they don't have to date anymore. Go to dcblogs.com and see how many blogs are devoted to dating. It's not just a difference in customs; it's a freaking obsession.

This isn't as trite as it sounds. We're working in reverse, remember? Stick with me.

Had a friend propose setting me up on a blind date
Speaking of obsessed, this is a friend who asks, "So, are you seeing anyone?" within ten minutes of conversation. It's actually kind of nice in a way, because he knows lots of attractive women. But there's something a little bit uncomfortable about being introduced to someone as, "This is Reid. He's single", as though it's the first thing that anyone needs to know about me. But he's about the only person I know who still tries to set me up, so I shrug it off.

So last week, he's asks me if I was alright being set up on a blind date. "Sure," I say, because I may be the only person on earth who likes blind dates. It's an excuse to have dinner with someone you get to find out about. I've gotten a fascinating story out of every date I've ever been on.

But I added to my friend, "...as long as she's alright with blind dates." Because the only problem that I have with blind dates is that people take them so seriously, have so many cultural hang-ups about them, that the judgment of an entire relationship gets thrown on top of first impressions. What's really just two people hanging out and deciding if they want to hang out again becomes a quick quiz whose score determines whether or not a serious relationship is possible. It's the formality and importance all put on that definition of "dates", especially the blind kind. It's the twelve million sitcom jokes and supposed horror stories about the freakish blind dates that keep about any of them being successful anymore.

And I say "anymore" because my parents met on a blind date, something that most everyone I tell seems to find fascinating/unbelievable.

Am reading Body Piercing Saved My Life
Yes, it's a book about Christian rock music. Where it fits in is in several of the conversion stories (and one of the few revelatory parts) in the book. I had no idea that there are sizable numbers of young people who are becoming deep Christians thanks to lectures and movements based on the idea that modern-day dating is a sure path to misery, that Christianity will bring back the values of old-fashioned courting.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to endorse old-fashioned courting, besides maybe thinking that at least it's clear of "what is that supposed to mean" conversations. But it's amazing to me that there are people who are moved to life-changing embraces of religion because of being frustrated by the concepts of dating. Have we really been so irresponsible with dating and courtship (both undefined and defined) that it's started to actually make people miserable?

I'm far too many words in to explain in detail my own romantic life and theories and solutions. But as I was lying on my new couch, waking up by watching people going insane over "dating", after reading people who are so done with dating that alternatives awaken their spirituality, after looking at my options as being overly formal and defined, I wondered if, after decades of cultural changes, we've managed to find the worst possible way of tackling romance.