Paranoia
They're out to get me, you know. They've been very patient, and now their plan is really starting to move.
They're unlike any other assassins. Others will just take a sniper rifle or a well-placed bomb. The easy ways out; the proven methods. But creativity is a priority for the people who are out to off me. And patience.
I don't know how they somehow got my sister to buy that particular kind of coffee table, the one whose sharp outer edges would hit just below my knees. But she bought it. And I don't know how they could be so confident that, when she moved, she would give the coffee table to me. But that exactly what she did. And I don't know how they knew that I would put the coffee table in exactly the right spot so that the highest spot on my shin would slam directly into this coffee table every time I was so much as within 5 feet of it. But I did, and I do.
I've been hacking my shins to bits for the last three weeks. Soon, I will be in a wheelchair, unable to move fast enough to escape. And that's when they'll strike.
They've been very patient.
4 comments:
I don't know how you got me involved in this scheme but they're after me, too. And I've got the bruised shins to prove it.
We're through the looking glass, people...
You could go to a sporting goods store and buy a pair of soccer shin guards. That would thwart their plan. Unless their plan all along was to get you to go to a sporting goods store, where they would launch their big strike. Dang they're crafty.
Yeah, I can't risk it, Scott. I figure that the best thing I can do now I sit in the back of my closet with a loaded shotgun. That should cover the bases.
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