Eat me, drink me, buy me

I'm kind of a sucker for good marketing. It's both conniving and direct; sleazy and pure. It says: I want you to do something, but I need to figure out exactly what to say and how to say to not only get you to do it, but make you feel like it was your idea in the first place. Really, it's an art, and no matter how much greed is it's motivator, it's still pretty impressive when someone hits that bullseye.

It was this admiration for advertising that made me give more than a passing glance to the new Mountain Dew product: Game Fuel. At first, I thought that the obvious conclusion must be the wrong one; that it was maybe Mountain Dew's attempt at a sports drink.

No, it's exactly what you think: it's a drink marketed for video gamers. The mind reels. I know it's a tie-in with Halo, but the subtext of the product is hilarious: "Listen. We know you're a fat dude who loves video games. All you want is for someone to wrap your head in a caffeinated glow that assures you there's nothing wrong or unhealthy about playing video games for days at a time and sustaining (barely) on nothing but Mountain Dew and Doritos. And it's true: There is nothing wrong with it. No one else understands you. But we do. We even made a special drink that will let you continue on your glorious lives and avatars in a way that you never were before."

All the drink is, of course, is Mountain Dew with some extra artificial flavoring, though I don't know how you could taste anything through the normal Mountain Dew flavor of nuclear waste. But I wonder how many people are actually buying that this new flavor has been chemically calibrated to help them sit on their couches and control cartoons with their thumbs. What's next? Pepsi Porn Surfer? Dr. Pepper, Trek Conventioneer?

Anyway, I'm impressed. I hope their sales are through the roof.

Some velvet morning when I'm straight

Ah, readers. You're going to have to give me a few days to catch my breath. My life is in Serious Change mode right now, which you're welcome to imagine as as a special-effects masterpiece, with me writhing on the floor, covered in glowing slime and growing mutant parts, like wings and antennae, and I'm screaming in pain as this bizarre and horrifying new form takes hold. It's not much like that, of course, but some days it feels like that.

Where your patience comes into play is that single-subject posts are going to be hard to come by. My mind is wandering way too much, often in directions that it shouldn't (namely: the past), so focus is precious these days.

So, miscellany:

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If you're looking for a good reality show that reminds you just how low a human being can go, you could do worse than Rock Of Love, the show where Brett Michaels of Poison "fame" tries to find love amongst a group of skanks that he's sharing a mansion with. In the 45 minutes I've seen of the show, I can say with all conviction that there's no better place to see the delusion that blurs the lines between love and lust. The girls all claim to want Michaels for his personality and Michaels himself? What a piece of work. In one moment, he says that he's always had a soft spot for strippers, and then tries to pass it off as a deep caring for their plight. As a matter of fact, he tries to pass almost everything off as deep caring. It's a trainwreck. You gotta watch it.

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I was looking for a new book, and so I turned as I always do to a post a year ago where I asked you all for recommendations. The comments on this post reminded that you bunch are brilliant. You're hilarious and insightful, and I always love those threads that get lots of comments, not because it somehow justifies this page, but because I love the conversation. Hell, if I had my way, each and every one of you would have a page exactly like this one.

I know it seems a little desperate and sad to beg for comments, but I love it when you say what's on your mind. This page has survived for as long as it has mostly because it's become a great way to keep in touch with people. So I just hope that, whenever you have something to say, you don't hold back. The audience here is small, and it's the thoughts that count. Don't worry about crafting them, and don't think that whole groups of strangers will see it (trust me: you know most of the audience), just...at long last, say it.

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I've finally started watching Flight of the Conchords and it's as funny as Nicole and Christian claimed it to be. The deadpan delivery of often-corny jokes is fantastic. Maybe I need to just count the pennies and go ahead and subscribe to HBO.

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At down moments in life, some song always comes along whose cheering powers can't be denied. Thank you, Junior Senior:
"Can I Get Get Get":