The Trouble With Taste

A submission to Hans for No Shame Theatre:

CAST

X: Female.

Y: Male.

Z: Male. Roommates with Y.

SETTING

Three chairs or stools. Probably a bar, possibly not.

X: You guys are roommates?

Y: Yeah. We go everywhere together.

X: Oh, that's nice.

Y: Not really. It's mostly because I can't leave him alone for more than a couple of hours. The last time I did, I got back and found he'd resorted to cannibalism. He was supposed to entertain my cousin Mike and ate him instead.

(pause)

(Z shrugs. X stares in shock.)

Z: Well! I was starving! I was in survival mode! I hadn't eaten since breakfast!

Y: There was a grocery store right next door!

Z: I told you, I didn't like their selection!

Y: Oh, for the love of...

Z: Besides, anything more than the ten things we were already buying would have taken us out of the express lane, and the other lines were really long.

X: Wait...you bought stuff?

Z: Just some condiments. Mike was a little gamey. Also, we were out of charcoal.

(pause)

Z: My only regret is that I couldn't fulfill his last request.

X: Which was?

Z: "Stop eating me."

X: You could have done it!

Z: Well, I just remembered what you said about Mike: to take what he said with a grain of salt.

(pause)

Z: Maybe I misunderstood.

(pause)

X: Well...I'm going to leave you two alone.

Y: Please don't.

The Barbecue Drama: A Petite Tragedy

A Play of Complete Fiction by Initial Reid Lastname

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Thor: Our hero. Prone to sadness these days, thanks to getting totally stressed out by the Gods.

Pippi: Thor's ex-girlfriend, who Thor, in spite of himself, finds himself getting all wistful over every now and then, mostly because she still is the only girlfriend Thor has ever had who actually treated him with kindness, appreciation and respect. The last thing in the world that Thor needs to be reminded of these days is Pippi. His stresses with the Gods just make him all vulnerable to opening of old wounds. Pippi is a character in this play, but does not appear in this play.

Ichabod: A casual acquaintance of Thor's, who used to hang out with Thor and Pippi when they were dating back in Valhalla, where they all used to live.

THE SCENE

A rooftop deck in the capital of Planet Earth. People are milling about and talking. None of the conversation has anything remotely to do with Pippi. Ichabod comes over and interrupts a conversation that Thor was having that didn't have anything remotely to do with Pippi.

ICHABOD: You know, I always used to have a crush on Pippi.

pause

THOR: Oh.

ICHABOD: Yeah, you were really lucky to be with her. She was really beautiful and wonderful and hilarious.

pause

ICHABOD: I thought she was really great.

pause

THOR: Yeah, me too.

DIRECTORS COMMENTARY

I mean, seriously: was Ichabod trying to make Thor feel like shit?