The mention
Ladies and gentlemen, in this weird wild world of dating and love we've created for ourselves, in this argumentative pseudo-democracy of love that rules so many of our worlds, there's something that needs to be said. Because, see, in the olden days, people weren't completely off the dating market until they were married. But now people are off the market well before that, in serious, committed relationships where there's no entertainment of thoughts of being with other people, and this is fine for the most part.
But there's one big sticking point: where a ring shows a married person immediately as off the market, those people in serious relationships don't have any other indicator, something that shows that all but the most persistent need not apply.
So I have to ask something of those people: if you're speaking to someone who you have even the slightest indication might be even somewhat interested in you, please: drop a mention of the boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm begging you. Because otherwise, you end up on some sunny afternoon, seeing the end of your experiment to answer the question, "How shameless do you have to be before she says 'boyfriend'" with a concluding mention that didn't show up until a months-coming pseudo-ask-out finally gets that issue-settling mention, setting off no small amount of burning ears and fumbling words to cover up what just happened. Hypothetically.
This imaginary situation could have easily been avoided when our hero in the completely fictitious story above offered the object of his affection any number of chances to throw in a mention of the boyfriend he was fairly sure, though not 100% (through research) that she had. "So what did you do this weekend?", he would ask, sure that any Monday would bring that conclusive, "My boyfriend and I went to
So attached folk, I know that it sometimes makes you sound a little possessive and superior to say "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" when the subject wasn't specifically brought up, but really: you're doing those of us who think you're really hot a big favor.
7 comments:
dang Reid.
You have to employ cunning and deception to get her to talk about the boyfriend before you hypothetically ask her on a pseudo-date and get the B-bomb. Say something like "Hey, I saw this new movie called "E.T." You and yor boyfriend should go see it", or "Man, there's this great restaurant I discovered called Taco Bell. I highly recommend it for you and your beau. Seems like it would be a good place for a date". That way, if she says "oh, I don't have a boyfriend" you can say "well, like I said, it seems like it would be a good place for a [er hum] date."
I dunno...that sounds even worse. Might as well just ask, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Main point, though, is that it makes everyone's life easier if those people who are attached don't shy away from using the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". There's lots of people who don't want to use those words because they feel like they're loaded, but I just feel like, if you're in a relationship where it's not cool to see other people, then...sorry, but you're going to have to say so.
I also remembered that the 'she' in the story referred to the same guy as a "friend" a little while ago.
Actually, I think you should rethink your strategy and go with the more assholish approach: when she drops the "B" Bomb, you say "So? I asked you out - not your boyfriend". It probably won't get you anywhere, but at least it might be a little satisfying, and kinda confusing.
Reid, just letting you know right now that I have a girlfriend, ok? There, now that *that's* out in the open...
What?! You've been leading me on all this time! And don't try to tell me you were just "being friendly"...all the invitations to get burgers with you, to get a drink...to come over to your place to "watch TV"?!!
Maybe we need to throw back to Ozzie and Harriet days. IIRC from reruns and movies about the time (*not* from personal experience, dammit), after you "went steady" for a while, you got "pinned." This is not, unlike how it sounds, an old-timey sexual maneuver, but rather the placement of a small piece of jewelry upon the beloved's apparel, thus giving visual confirmation of her boyfriendedness. Sort of a pre-engagement ring, if you will. Nowadays cardigan sweaters are in short supply, so some alternative might be in order (nose ring? T-shirt saying "My BOYFRIEND gave me this shirt?").
When she says "My boyfriend loves that movie," say, "No I don't." Then start massaging her behind. With a bike helmet. Tenderly.
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