We're exploding with concern!
I'm not sure if it's a new trend or just something I'd never noticed before, but morning news teams of America want to make sure you know just how concerned they are. They are so virtuous and caring that they will make their opinions known about wrongdoer and immoral types no matter what the consequences! Like potentially higher ratings!
Are there really that many people in the world who need to be told whether a news item is "good" or "bad"? Do the CNN morning news anchors need to have a back-and-forth about how awful it was that hotels were price gouging after the London bombings? Do I really need to know that Soledad Whatsherface thinks that there's a "special place in hell for people like that"?
Of course, we all know why they do it. They do it for the same reason that local news will interrupt highly rated broadcasts to let you know that the storm™ they're tracking™ is continuing to stay in the same place. It's because they want to be able to tell you that they "were there first on the scene!" In the case of the morning news, they want to have ammunition in case anyone so much as thinks about accusing them of being callous or immoral. "No, no!", they'll scream. "We run a virtuous and moral news show! Just look how open we were in our condemnation of that emu rapist!"
Which brings us to this morning's topic of the sentencing of the Tennessee teacher who had sex with one of her 13-year-old students. I watched the closed-captioning of four different news programs as they all tried to shriek, "Won't somebody please think of the children?!" louder than the others.
It's true that this is sending a horrible message to the youth of America, but one that the actors, er, the "news anchors" of the morning shows have missed. This is encouraging young teenage boys to believe that they actually have a chance of getting it on with that hot young teacher. This is no way to live! Have we learned nothing from Rushmore?! Kids! Don't do it!
8 comments:
It's been happening for a while. TV has moved away from reporting true news (i.e. facts) and instead replaced it with op-ed shows. They put a right wing conservative and a left wing liberal together and have them argue some issue. They call it news and claim to be unbiased because both sides of the argument were presented. But all they're presenting are two opinions...neither one of which is necessarily correct. And it's definitely not unbiased, it's two very biased representations.
I'm with you though; I don't care if there's a news story about a truckload of kittens bursting into flames, or some rich dude offering to pay everyone's taxes...I shouldn't be able to tell what the reporter/anchor thinks about it.
On another note, once again I discover that I attended the wrong middle school.
Oh, those poor kittens.
The "crazy liberal and jerk conservative calling each other names for a half hour" shows are one thing, but it really seems like a new thing to me for these soccer mom* morning shows to present a news story and then have the hosts half-heartedly go back and forth for a while on how awful it is. When really what they're doing is trying to guess what their viewers will think and say it first. It's just gross. The Today Show is bad enough, but I can't even watch the CNN morning show anymore. Awful. I'd rather be completely ignorant of news than watch any of those shows.
Where the hell are we supposed to get straight-as-possible news anymore?
* sorry, but it just seems like the best description
Yeah, CNN is terrible in the mornings (well, now, mostly anytime - but the mornings - ugh). The banter is just too much - it also makes me feel kinda creepy - I don't need to be hearing their opinions on every subject in the morning, I just want to know the basic details on how the kittens caught on fire - and I don't want them spending 20 minutes on the story. Not that I don't like opinions, that's why I read the letters to the editor, but that is different - since someone "out there" took the time to write in about something that they feel really strongly about - and they don't have the undivided attention of an audience just waiting for the weather or traffic.
I decided to just watch baseball highlights in the morning - it gets me to get working faster.
And, yeah, I think we all went to the wrong middle school...
Not me. At Aycock (Gaycock) we was all getting on with the teachers.
Dear Max,
I'm sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them frenching at the museum, and then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other hand jobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch. Why am I telling you this now? Because you're such a good friend. Take care, pal.
Fondly,
Dirk Calloway
It's funny to actually read that letter instead of hearing it.
Yeah, I think if you think back, every school had at least one hot young teacher. And probably, like at my Jr. High, there were rumors going around that she was in Playboy.
I remember one time in my sophomore year of high school, I was stopped by a friend who had the same science teacher that I had, only he had the class earlier in the day.
"Have you had Oceanography yet?" he said.
"No. Why? Sub?" I said.
"Yeah, and wait until you see her."
"Hot?"
"Oh yeah."
Every guy in class spent the entire period in stunned silence.
This one's definitely the hottest kid-touching teacher yet. One of these networks should run a pageant with this as the entry requirement.
As for morning TV, if I see another segment about quintuplets or some other such birthing miracle, I will walk to Ann Curry's house myself and pee on her pets.
the funny thing is that I actually really like the British newscasters BECAUSE they throw their opinions everywhere. But yes, the news people here are just plain dumb. do you think its the accent?
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