The random thoughts of a young beard
If my five-day-old beard could think, these are a few things that might be on its mind:
"God, I have a fantastic body! Maybe I sound a little full of myself, but it's incredible how, in only five days, I almost look like a grownup beard. I'm not all patchy like some of the other beards you see, and I don't grow in all sorts of weird places, and my landlord keeps me pretty well manicured. All those other beards would fall out with envy."Hm. My beard is kind of a jerk.
"Woah! Dude! Is that some gray?! Yeah, man! It is gray! That's kind of hot! I'm all distinguished looking. Too bad I'm attached to this idiot or I could pass myself off as some sophisticated college professor."
"How come the American girls don't dig me? The Latinas go for beards and I get plenty of compliments from them, but the U.S. girls and their sensitive skin get all fussy and they don't even want to look at me. What's up with that?"
"Maybe this is a little deep, but...I'm coming to terms with my mortality. I mean, sure, no beard can live forever. Sooner or later, we all have a date with The Razor. You just hope you can live a full, deep, bushy life before that day. But I still can't help but feel that I'm not long for this face. I dunno. I guess I'm being overdramatic."
6 comments:
I think your beard went through the stages of an entire life in the course of that monologue-- exuberant youth, adulthood, steady aging and its accompanying fear of virility loss, and the acceptance of mortality. Perhaps?
Anyway, I like any post that starts, "God, I have a fantastic body!"
Fussy?
Hey, that's the beard's word, not mine.
But if I had to guess, I think that what the beard is trying to say is that it's interesting that American women almost unanimously hate beards: the look, the feel, the very concept. It gets very strong negative reactions from the American girls, whereas the central and South American women seem to love beards.
I think that the beard was really trying to spark a lively debate on the American issues with body hair. But again, I'm just guessing. You'll have to take it up with the beard.
You may be right, but isn't it also true that you prefer women without facial hair? Gotta watch those double standards.
I guess we should be grateful it wasn't your pubic hair having that conversation. :x
Oh, that conversation has been had many times on other blogs.
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