Memorandum

TO: Are Seven Employees
FROM: Are Seven Corporate Headquarters

The July Fourth holiday that was scheduled for next Wednesday, July Fourth, has been canceled. All employees will be issued one (1) sparkler, which they may light at their own desks at 3:00 pm in celebration of our perfect American version of capitalism.

Employees wishing to further celebrate the fourth of July may do so by using a personal day on the 17th of August.

The time you have spent reading this memorandum has been noted on your timecards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.