Oriented

For my first day of work at the new job—indeed, for anyone's first day of work—there's only one quote that's appropriate. It's this bit of the script of The Hudsucker Proxy, a great movie, and this bit from it is one of the most brilliant things that's ever been written in a screenplay. Enjoy, and wish me luck.

You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late...and they dock ya!! Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher...and they dock ya!! Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher...and they dock ya!!

6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck!

Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong...and they dock ya!!

This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand? Is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint...and they dock ya!!