A beard in a nutshell

If my math is correct, by the time I'm 76 years and 4 months old, I will have contracted every one of my opinions and observations down to a single sentence each. At that moment, I'll be at some kind of opinionated person's zen, allowing me to finally stop my brain and get a good night's sleep for once.

It's hard for me to believe that, at that moment, I'll be able to explain the annoying part of having a beard better than this deceptively-stupid-sounding phrase:

The annoying thing about having a beard is that you always have the feeling that there's something on your face.

With that out of the way, I can now go study English word roots until I find out why "opinion" and "onion" are so close to each other. BRB.