In a futile search

I recently flipped a switch on my blogger profile that allowed my site to be indexed by Google. The main reason for this is because I was highly entertained by Jordan Baker's soon-to-be-discontinued (single tear from me) Friday Q&A feature and Mama Likey's bizarre search terms that she posted recently, and I was curious what sorts of things that brought both the savvy and the stupid to my site. What I found is that, a decade of widespread internet usage later, people still don't know how to search.

So at the risk of encouraging these misguided people by potentially giving them the answers they're looking for and not trying to hone their search skills, I present a new segment that I like to call...(drumroll please, Christian):

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
- or -
THESE ARE NOT THE SEARCH RESULTS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR...MOVE ALONG...MOVE ALONG

Dear Are Seven,
    youtube mistaken for strangers
Signed, UK

Dear Mistaken,
    I think you'll find that your search results will be much more accurate if you tried...oh...I don't know...maybe...SEARCHING YOUTUBE!! TRY IT!! JEEZ!!
Yours sincerely,
    Are Seven

Dear Are Seven,
    retro bondage kidnapped helpless
Signed, Canada

Dear Retro Bondage,
    I don't want to spend too long considering your search because it makes me sad for the world, and while I don't have an answer for you, I do feel some pride that you were not able to find what you were looking for on my site.
Yours sincerely,
    Are Seven

Dear Are Seven,
    the decline of 80's hair bands
Signed, West Virginia Department of Education

Dear Decline,
    While you found a spirited conversation on this site, you probably didn't find what you were looking for. You're going to need to be a little more specific. Technically, Flock of Seagulls were an '80's hair band, but you're probably looking for hair metal bands. If that's the case, you don't need Google to tell you why '80's hair metal bands declined; you just need logic. They declined because they suck.
Yours sincerely,
    Are Seven

Dear Are Seven
    sleep bitches
Signed, Nantes, France

Dear Bitches,
    In the Southern US, we call them "hush puppies". HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Yours sincerely,
    Are Seven

Bryant Gumbel, what would your wife say?

You might notice that the recent posts are gone off the side there. I decided to take them off after making the disturbing discovery that someone had come to my site through the search "feet fetish jane pauley", and those are the kinds of search results I don't want this site spending any time with.

You'll just have to get the content while it's fresh, my bored-at-work friends.

(Important note for people doing searches on "Rashad McCants, girlfriend": there's a lot of you and I'm curious to hear what you're looking for. Leave me a comment on this post.